Rabbits, Kiddush Cups, Findings

Every Shabbat dinner we set out the kiddish cups at each place. Each kiddush cup has a story to tell. The oldest kiddush cup is silver with elat stone around the top circled with a Yeminite filigree pattern. Seymour brought this back from Israel probably in 1959. This was his first trip to Israel. He traveled with Murray Epstein, met up with Jay Liveson, and dated a girl named Dani, and had a friend somewhere in Bersheeva, that he sent me to visit and who I never found One of Seymour's favorite movies, now on video, was Where are You Daniel Waks? about a reunion of high school friends. Always the romantic , Seymour thought I would find this guy and get them both in touch with each other. After a fruitless search of the housing projects in Beer Sheva I realized that this was not going to happen. In stead I came home to connect with Seymour and get married a few months later.

There is a glass kiddush cup that Alissa brought home from one of her trips to Israel, it graces our Seder table at Passover. A set of 6 small silver cups was added after a find in an antique store. Some how I have my brother Rob's kiddush cup from his Bar Mitzvah, probably sent by Dad after my mother died. Silver baby cups were enlisted in Kiddush cup service.

Each Friday, as I bring out the kiddush cups I try to remember its story. One year I bought kiddush cups for Judah and Benji and had their names engraved upon it. Identical cups, so there would no jealousy. Benjamin Gideoni and Judah Daniel in hebrew. As I place the cups at the table, I rub them with a soft cloth to bring out the shine. I close my eyes as Benjamin recites the kiddush and see Judah standing there with his voice lowered, his Israeli accent, and his face as he chanted the blessings. Benji is the melodic one in this family, would try to keep the rest of us on tune, pitch and beat. The best I can say is we tried.

Judah loved to take walks in the Gardens at the City of Hope. He enjoyed the cavorting of the squirrels and loved to watch the rabbits forage for food. One day soon after Judah passed, a rabbit graced our front porch. It has always been a symbol of Judah for me. Today, after daily minyan, I saw the rabbit grazing under the bushes on the front lawn. I just cried. I feel Judah's spirit all around.

In fact, in getting prepared for a trip to Israel next week, I found a book in our library called the Holy Land, a page folded in half stuck out. It was a note from Judah

Happy Birthsday Mom,
This is a just to give you a little incentive to come visit during the year. It seemed the most informative of the what's available today. Enjoy it.
Love Judah,

your son wiszth the Israelian accent
So very Judah

P.S. The blogger has an anonymous button, but it also has a place to put your name. Its comforting to know who has written. If you just want to put your initials that would be wonderful too.
M

Goodbyes

I don't lose things, I have earrings given to me when I was sixteen, I still have the same dry cleaner, the same house for 30 years, but I seem to be saying good bye a lot lately. I am in the car business it seems, as I returned my Lexus at lease end. It strange to look outside and only see The Solara and now my new car parked in front. The Black Buick is gone, the red Toyota is gone, and now the Lexus.

I remember the December day when I got the car. Seymour was at Cedars getting an MRI. The dealer was anxious to conclude the transaction and brought the car to the Emergency room, where we signed papers and I drove Seymour home in a new car.

Since that date the car was involved in driving Judah to the City of Hope for his infusions, and his appointment, and of course, his last trip which I remember vividly. The long drive on the 10 freeway to the 60, and then the final stretch thru the 605. This five mile segment is one of the most depressing in the world. Trucks rumble by at high speeds spewing forth black smoke, the scenery is a landscape of rock, gravel and quarry pits, with billboards announcing Rose Hills latest offering in Memorialization reminding us that this is the time that the BEST is what is right, and then followed by the sign to the City of Hope. Judah , who usually talked a storm was quiet, he just looked out the window, hunched his shoulders, and pulled his zip up grey sweater around him. We knew the routine, his pillows were in the trunk, but this time he did not take his books to read, he just took his Siddur his Chumash and the IPOD that you gave him.

I don't lose things, but I lost him.

Saturdays

Saturday is a difficult day, Seymour died 6 pm on a Saturday , Judah died on Saturday morning. Among the many things I miss about Judah and Seymour is the sound of their voices. Memory is funny, I can conjure an image of them at various times in their lives, I can reconstruct their smells, I can some times feel their presence, but I can't really recall the sound and the cadences of their voices.

Fortunately we live in a time that allows us to capture reasonable facsimile's of sound. Judah called me on the answering machine. July 25th to wish me Happy Birthday, July 23rd a call to Issi , her birthday, and the last one a few days later checking on me to see if I got home safely. I finally copied this onto a tape recorder.
There are still messages on my cell phone to be recorded, and his cell phone messages are still unplayed.

Judah's friend Peter is back at the City of Hope with complications of graft versus host issues. Peter received his stem cell transplant a month prior to Judah. He would walk down the hall, with all his iv's in tow, stop at Judah's door and invite him to sprint around the nurses station. He would encourage Judah and even through his mask his big smile came through. Melli, Peter's mom was my first supporter during this process, and introduced me to other mothers on the floor. We would compare notes, hug each other, and offer prayers for each others children. There are no atheist in the City of Hope.


Project Yehuda, will get going. I've calls to the City of Hope personnel and to the Gift of Life teams. As soon as details are firm I will let you know . Meantime you can log on to project yehudah.org.

M